It is Thursday night and I’m heading down to do the men’s Highway Patrol Bible study. As I arrived at the gate, I heard shouting going on. I could see three men, standing by a white van, shouting obscenities at the other four men. I recognized the four men. They were all highway Patrolmen out of uniform. The other men did not realize they were to be surrounded by patrolmen. I parked my pickup near the gate and asked my King what I should do. He answered, “Sonny, just walk between them to break it up.”
I said, “What should I say?”
My King said, “Do not worry about it. I will give you the words to say. Hurry, it is starting to get ugly!” I immediately grabbed my Bible and proceeded to get out of my pickup. My King then said, “Leave your Bible in the pickup. It will mess up what I am planning to do.” I laid the Bible back on the seat and proceeded to walk between the men. The three men felt that the other four cut them off as they were turning into the parking lot. They were going to make sure they knew it. My stepping in did not help matters. They then yelled, “What the F do you think you are doing.”
I looked at the three men and answered, “Are you here for the blood drive?” This definitely caught everyone off guard. The three men said, “Blood drive?” I then said, “Yeah, do you know your blood type.” I paused for a second then said, “Even if you don’t, we can probably figure out what your blood type is. We have figured out a new way to draw blood. We poke the needle through the nipple. I am new at this. You can you be my first patients to try out this new method of drawing blood.” Two things were going on as I spread the bull crap. The Highway Patrolmen were trying not to laugh as I was spreading it thick. The three men were thinking that I was a witch doctor and wanted to get out of here as quickly as possible. They got back inside their van and squealed the tires trying to get away. The Denver police were called before I got there and arrived as they were leaving. They asked us what was going on as the van was speeding off. Everyone here knows each other but the public is not allowed to know who we are. So the police had to be called in to protect everyones identity. A patrolman had taken a picture of the license plate. The police did not give chase but wanted to make sure the van was not involved with illegal activities. After the Highway Patrolmen shared with the cops what happened, everyone including myself was cracking up laughing. They asked, “Sonny, where did you dig up such a crock and bull story?”
I said, “When they confronted me, the words just came out.” We all finally stopped laughing and headed inside to start the Bible study. I finished the night out and went home to bed.
I went to work Friday morning. The Highway Patrolmen did not let what happened last night go. They found out where the white van owner lived. One of the cops got access to a blood drive van. That same morning they went and parked that van right in front of the white van owner’s home. When the white van owner came out of the house, he wanted to know what was going on. The cop said, “We are doing a blood drive today. Do you want to donate today? It is painless because we draw blood from the nipple.” The white van owner was pale with fear. He said, “No way!” and made a fast getaway. The poor guy may never give blood again. The cop definitely had fun with this guy and left the scene. This also gave me a good laugh at work.
After work ended, I left for Denver to do the undercover police Bible study. I made good time and everything was going smoothly getting there. I walked up to the podium to speak. Twelve guys started coming forward immediately. I assumed they wanted prayer. As they lined up in front of the podium, they all took their shirts off. I exclaimed, “What are you guys doing?” They said, “We are getting ready for the nipple blood drive.” I put my hands over my face and said, “Oh no, does everyone know about this? Again the whole room was roaring with laughter. Finally, we all settled down to finish the Bible study. It was getting towards the end so I finished by praying over everyone. Rachael, who heads the prostitute division, came forward with twelve of her girls. These girls could all be models. They were dressed with those short skirts for tonights business. I could see their husbands in the crowd place their hands over their faces with what their wives were about to do. No, get your mind out of the gutter. These ladies are representing Jesus Christ and will not take their tops off. They did undo one button and sexily said, “We are here for the nipple blood drive.”
I responded, “Who does not know what happened last night?” One of the men chimed in, “Sonny, you know we are all family. We do not keep secrets from one another.” Again, everyone started laughing again. I firmly believe that our King orchestrated this whole thing to get everyone to laugh. They live a very dangerous life. I am thoroughly thankful for what they do for us. My King now wants me to witness to people on the streets.
As I was talking to people about Jesus, I noticed some of Rachel’s girls being harassed by two pimps. They were putting a lot of pressure on the girls to get them to work for them. I was not sure if I needed to get involved. Before I could even pray about it, Rachel came from nowhere. She walked right up to them. One of the pimps looked her over and said, “Woah baby. With that fine body, you need to come work for me.” Rachel did not say a word. She made a fist and hit him in the temple. He fell backwards on his car then falling to the ground. The second pimp came after her. Even with those extremely high heels she had on, she kicked him in the head and he went down. The other pimp came to and tried to retaliate but she kicked him also. He also went down for the count. Rachel then grabbed the two girls and walked towards me. She sexily said, “I am too busy right now for giving blood. You might want to leave the scene before these guys come to.” Rachel and her girls know the martial arts extremely well. They continue to practice so they can protect themselves. My King never ceases to amaze me on all the creative ways he reaches people.